February is all about LOVE. This month’s happiness project is focused on marriage. I love that I can super kaduper relate with GR (close talaga kami ni Gretchen Rubin ahihi).
Here’s what we need to understand for our happiness project:
Don’t Expect Praise Or Appreciation
Give Proofs Of Love
One thing wives are generally known for is that we daw are naggers. I believe this is somewhat true but I know that I am not one who nags. Is it in our system to demand something from someone? Is it innate or has it just become a form of habit? Ay, I don’t want to know. All I know is that at some point after I’ve given birth to lil’ Mr. GJG that I’ve become one. Dawned by such overwhelming feeling, I turned into Mr. GJG for help. When I feel like I’ve asked more than a few times and still the chore hasn’t been made, that’s when I noticed I nag. I only assume I became one because well as what I’ve said, I was overwhelmed and I needed help more than before. So it was something new for me & Mr. GJG and both of us dislike the attitude we’ve shown each other during these challenging times. I ask, he doesn’t follow right away. I get impatient, I nag. He gets irritated, but he eventually follows. That’s a vicious cycle that thankfully, didn’t last long. When I got my act together I was back to my old non-nagging self. Ugh, thinking about it now make me cringe. Heck I don’t want being nagged so I know how much Mr. GJG felt like.
DON’T EXPECT PRAISE OR APPRECIATION
Ah this happens to all of us. As what Grechen Rubin wrote on her book, at some point everyone needs a gold star. I can say I’m a competitive type of person and that acknowledgement and appreciation are important to me. I notice how much I like being acknowledged and appreciated. I’ve also noticed I’ve been doing things just so I can be acknowledged and appreciated. It can get tiring and eventually stressful to constantly wait and expect for recognition you know. What I did? I stopped doing things just to be recognized and now, I am trying hard to stop expecting praise or appreciation. I always tend to give hints to Mr. GJG whenever we talk about how our day was. I would sigh and tell him I was a headless chicken running errands and doing chores. And at the end of the how’s-your-day-story, I tend to wait for a lovely, heart-warming comment from him. The thing is, he’s never the vocal type. So that would’ve been a dead giveaway for me in the first place. Then I looked at myself and realize I haven’t been vocal too about how much I appreciate him. I’ve learned it doesn’t matter if I get a gold star, if I can’t have one then I’ll give one. After all, I know even though I don’t often hear it that Mr. GJG appreciates me, my sacrifices and efforts in raising our kids and maintaining a lovely household.
I am a certified pikon (sore loser). I am one only to the people who matter to me. Mr. GJG knows that, what’s weird though is we seldom fight. We know what issues to avoid or at least not make a big deal about and we only seriously talk about things that need immediate decision as husband and wife. I tend to not fight right when I get pikon. Like a kid, I counteract by blaming Mr. GJG for making me feel bad. Blaming whatever situation that led us to fighting in the first place. Yes, sore loser. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen a lot. Well, it happens once every month. You ladies know what I mean 😉 And because of this happiness project, I will try to not do the whole emotional blackmail thing-which works most if not all the time. I have to learn how to fight right by sticking to the issue and not bringing any past issues nor dragging anybody else (like another family member or person- unless they’re the issue). Fight fair, fight right. K fine. heehee
I am OC. I like to have control over things, to have a system, to have a plan. So when my day is ruined because of a schedule that went awry, I get sad. I get unhappy. At the end of the day I tend to exhaust all the things that have transpired to my husband. But there are times that I feel like Mr. GJG isn’t fond when I tell my story nor is he excited to like I am when I talk about my latest product discovery or bargain find. Sure enough, men are not wired to give good moral and emotional support or at least meet our expectations. Even when I was pregnant with both lil’ Ms. & lil’ Mr. GJG, whenever I feel insecure, fugly, hormonal, and insecure, he can’t quite show his empathy and would retort to complementing me-which made me even more insecure! It’s not that he’s not interested to listen nor to give comfort but his capacity to give comfort in a manner that I, as a woman expect isn’t sufficient. Since that is the case, I’ve managed to stop dumping stories to my husband which I know he cannot strongly express his comments and reactions but instead dump it to who else-my best friends heehee.
GIVE PROOFS OF LOVE
This doesn’t mean giving your significant other lavish gifts, although that’s a sure way to make your spouse feel loved. It is as simple as showing kindness or doing something ordinary but unusual that you can show love. Being thoughtful for me is a simple way of giving proofs of love. Most marriages experience pitfall when one tend to be passive when it comes to being thoughtful. Just because you think you know your spouse all too well doesn’t mean he’s not interested to learn to like something new. Introduce a new hobby, a new gadget or thing that might interest your beloved, do an activity that can make your relationship stronger, create a bonding that can eventually become a ritual or family tradition. Doesn’t have to be fancy, expensive nor a material thing. As simple as a hug, a kiss, a handwritten note, or a home-cooked meal are sure ways to make someone feel loved. I remember during Father’s Day that I gave Mr. GJG a one-day pass. No chores nor nagging, a whole day of him being THE BOSS and doing whatever he wants. That was one day he never forgot, that for him is love. 😀
Aaah I have so many insights about this month’s tasks but I leave you to create and share with me how you make your own happiness project.
With that I leave you with GR’s formula of happiness.
The first splendid truth: To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.