Anxious. Excited. Overwhelmed. Scared. Frantic. Paranoid. These words sum up what I’m feeling as my due date nears. You might think being pregnant the second time around makes everything familiar and easy. Well at some point it is but in some, it isn’t. After two and a half years of being pregnant the first time with Gabbie, I feel like I’m back to square one. Anybody here can relate with me? Raise your legs! As much as I don’t want to make comparisons when it comes to my pregnancies I just couldn’t help it, there’s a huge difference between my two pregnancies. In a nutshell, when I was pregnant with Gabbie I was clueless and I was a very sensitive preggo that in the course of nine months, I was most of time on bed rest. While with my current pregnancy, I am less sensitive and feel more in control of my body and my situation.
What am I exactly thinking as my due date nears? Here are my random thoughts.
1. Would I breastfeed with ease (and longer) this time around?
Aaah the question that I dread for the longest time. You see, I had a rough experience with breastfeeding as I have shared here. I only lasted 3 months breastfeeding Gabbie. Nobody said it was super duper difficult! I experienced all the horror stories I read even before I was pregnant with G. Engorged porn star boobs, cracked, sore and bleeding nipples, and the consistent pressure that you can’t produce enough milk for your baby have haunted me over the first three months of being a new mom. I was very tired, frustrated and I lack the will power. It was hard because I didn’t know then what to do and didn’t have much of a support group. But now that I’m more knowledgable and have mommy blogger friends who breastfeed and share their tips & tricks, I think I’m ready. Waaaaay ready to breastfeed Juro. *crossing my fingers, arms and legs for this*
Please leave a comment at the end of this post and share away your breastfeeding tips & experience. I would really appreciate if you do. 🙂
2. How can I divide my time and attention to a toddler and a newborn?
Another question that haunts me at night. Ever since we found out I was pregnant the second time around, the lingering question of how I can divide myself and my time taking care of two kids pops every now and then in my head. While the hubby thinks I can manage, of course I have doubts. I’ve learned a few tips from Anne of Green Eggs & Moms on how to prepare the first born in welcoming his/her sibling. I think Gabbie knows that she’ll be an “achie” (ate, older sister) soon and that she’s very welcoming about it. She even involves her shoti (younger brother) in her play by touching and talking to him (my tummy) which I find very cute and my heart melts every time. I’m scared at the same time that the amount of time, attention and love I give to Gabbie will be divided with her baby brother. I would only know soon after I give birth and oh do I pray to God that I have the strength, the patience and the courage to take care of them both. I pray that I would never ever let Gabbie feel that she’s forgotten, she’s neglected because of her brother and vice versa. That would really, really break my heart and would make me feel like a very, very bad mom. Aaaah, I need to channel the supermom in me! Slow clap to all the moms who can juggle everything! Kayo na ang peg ko.
3. Post-partum depression?
Yes, I’ve experienced PPD soon after I gave birth to Gabbie. I blame breastfeeding, the overwhelming feeling of being a new mom and my CS delivery altogether made me feel depressed and constantly tired during the first three months. As much as I loved being a new mom then, I was not very fond of the idea of constantly being exhausted and the feel of being alone in this whole mommy hood thing made it even worse. It was hard and it was something I didn’t know I was experiencing already. I am praying that this time around I hope I won’t fall into the whole PPD phase again.
4. Doubtful & lacking.
As much as I want to be all positive (you know me, I’m all for good vibes) I am not, at least not all the time. As early as now I doubt myself if I can manage and if my efforts to arm myself with knowledge is enough to get me through. Okay, I may sound melodramatic but that’s just how I feel. If I had a hard time adjusting when I gave birth to Gabbie, I’m imagining more what’ll happen when I have two kids to take care of. Preparing myself to be able to handle the overwhelming feeling and the amount of chores and things to do for both my kids not to mention maintaing a household and this blog. No mom would ever want to feel lacking and not “mommy enough” for their kids, and so I pray even more.
5. Excited & challenged.
Above everything else, I am more than excited to see and hold the new addition to our growing family. Reminiscing the day I gave birth to Gabbie and knowing exactly the step by step procedure I had to go through makes me scared and excited at the same time (CS delivery all the way). All the pains I’ve felt are coming back and it doesn’t help that I keep on watching One Born Every Minute on BIO channel. But as what all moms say, all the pain in the world is forgotten as soon as you hear your baby’s first cry and hold him for the first time. The anticipation is building up as I near my due date. Collective thoughts that are good and bad are constantly running through my mind. The sleepless nights I get because Juro is super duper likot and wiggle and tumbles inside my tummy makes the waiting game even more challenging. For now, all I can do is wait and pray.
In exactly 23 days from today I am no longer a mom of a beautiful girl but a mom of two. In exactly 23 days I’ll be a walking zombie with eye luggages as dark as anthracite. In exactly 23 days our home will be filled with a symphony of a baby crying and a toddler babbling & laughing. In exactly 23 days I am back to square one as a mother to a newborn but I’m also twice the woman I am even before I became a mom. In exactly 23 days God will yet again prove that life is so much beautiful and that I am beyond blessed.
Any thoughts you’d like to share, come let’s make chikahan while I can still reply to all of you!