I’ve been sick for the past few days and it sucks. Aside from the gastroenteritis I had last August, this bad case of allergy slash sore throat slash colds is one of the worse times I’ve been sick. I was bed ridden for two days and during those days, I couldn’t really do anything but take a peek at my Instagram or Snapchat to help me get off my sick funk.
Like most moms, all I can think of is how my kids are – I hear them knocking on my door asking for me and it’s sad not being able to get near them. The past days made me feel like I was useless which made me feel helpless, even trying to sleep was a challenge all thanks to my incessant coughing, headache and high fever.
My being sick made me realize a lot of things. You know random stuff that you know you just need to think about, regardless how shallow or obvious they are. Such is my life in general. How back when I was young, this was the life I envisioned. How I see myself doing something I like without whining on why I do it. How I want a small family of my own and how I’m always comfortable being a homemaker and a mom. This is the life I wanted and I realize, this is the life I have right here, right now.
Another medyo emo post but you know how it is that we always want to make memories with the people we love? How we work hard so we can save up for a trip or do anything to experience the good things in life? How those life goals and dreams seem so impossible yet we do all that we can to achieve it. But sometimes, we’re too consumed with our daily lives that we forget we’re inching closer to our goals.
Over the weekend, we went to our annual northern trip to visit my husband’s departed relatives. While I was in no shape nor mood to travel, I had no choice but to go. It was challenging to enjoy the trip because when you’re not feeling well, you’re just not up to do anything.
But then my kids reminded me that this is what life is about.
It’s not about the beach nor the picture-perfect scenery. It’s about them, really. Seeing their photos year after year, where they grew up a little bit more each time is proof that life happens. And it happens fast especially if you’re not in the present and you’re busy looking towards the future.
If I were asked by someone what makes me happy, I would say being able to eat the food that I want and not being sick are happiness for me. But true, genuine happiness is being able to spend time with my kids. It doesn’t haven’t be out of town, it’s really enjoying spending time with them. Being a homemaker you’d assume I have enough time with them everyday. Truth is, I don’t. I have so many things to do (chores galore and errands pa!) that spending 5 uninterrupted minutes with each child is challenging and I am guilty whenever I couldn’t make time for them every day. This hit me hard over the weekend.
Our quick stint at the beach made me realize this is what truly matters. My kids are my happiness.
“Most of our issues stem from perception, which stems from childhood experiences that affect us to this day. Please nurture your kids.- Sonya Tecial”
I saw this quote on my Instagram feed and I am reminded my purpose as a mom. Ang hirap maging nanay. There’s this pressure to raise kind, well-rounded children. Everyday I am tested to be a better mom. Madaming incidents where I just shrug it off and go on auto-pilot mode because of the overwhelming To Do list that needs to be managed. At the end of the day, this tired, all-pooped out momma thinks “Have I contributed anything to my family today that can make them a better person tomorrow?”.
My kids have a love-hate relationship. They’re siblings! One minute they wouldn’t want to let go of each other, the next, they’ll be screaming and shouting at each other. It’s challenging to be their referee. As much as I don’t tolerate screaming and shouting at home, sometimes I find myself breaking this rule. Huhuhuhuhubelles. Again, I need to go back to the question I find asking myself lately “Have I contributed anything to my family today that can make them a better person tomorrow?”. It’s a good anchor for me to ask this question every time I am in a difficult situation. Because it determines the succeeding actions I am about to do. It helps me pause, breathe and let go of the small stuff. Ang hirap kayang mag let go of the small stuff. All the mess, all the cleaning and all the things I need to do takes up a toll on me! I believe this is the case for most of us homemakers. We’re stressed not because we don’t have a good life, we’re stressed because we want a lot of things done and done ASAP. Grabe, na-realize ko talaga over the weekend that I should just let go of the small things and just enjoy life. Eto yung YOLO movement ko! Hahahaha. Ang ganda, how very mature! Hihihi.
At the end of the day, all I want to is raise my children the best way I can, have moments with them and make those moments memories worth revisiting.
I’m still a bit under the weather but it’s weird that I have much gusto now more than ever to go about our daily lives. Back to school na for my kids today and this means, back to auto-pilot and back to regular programming! Thankful that we were able to take a break over the weekend. It was short and sweet which is exactly what we needed.
Hope you’re all having a good day as well! If not, relax, it’s only a bad day not a bad life! 
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